notes from a *mostly* media-free life :: simple celebrations

Media disclosure, first.  For his 8th birthday, he wanted Chima Legos: little monkey warriors he knows about because he subscribes to the Lego (marketing) Club magazine  - which he did completely on his own.  He has some Chimas, from extended family and purchased from money that he saved up.  We once unsubscribed to the Lego magazines, and put them all away in the garage.  The boys took it upon themselves the re-subscribe, so now that's where it's been for two years.  As he's learning to read, the fact that I'm not going to read them to him has become a motivating factor and he's pretty much on his way.  

Having grown up in comics myself (my parents were artists and comics art brokers), I'm very aware of how awesome they are for reading.  As a peace and environmental activist, I really can't stand that Lego storylines are pretty much war + competition, out of context, set in every fantastical era, molded in plastic.  (And don't get me started about heads coming off.)   But he comes from warriors, many generations of martial artists down, so I not only get the appeal, I also see fit to honor it some.  When he first picked up a bamboo stake, at three, he went into a full-on complex Filipino stick-fighting form. It was beautiful.  Ancestral.  Psycho-genetic. Bigger than me, for sure.  So when he goes out of his way to seek out such things, he gets to keep a few.   

Unless he gets over-competitive, aggressive, or acts it out.  Then they all get put away again, to honor the household peace.  Same is true for his brothers.   

He also wanted golf balls and pins.  He has a set of clubs, and I very much wanted to oblige him, but was reminded of the broken windows factor.  And of our friend John, who has three scars on his face from playing golf with his brothers.  David asked me if I was actually planning on golfing with him, with a new baby strapped on.  Nope.

Secondly, a bad parenting choice:  We have a set of clear glass plates for parties that our boys love.  One of them is a deep, cobalt blue.  At some point, maybe five years ago, I began saying, "And the winner... of the blue plate... iiiiiisssss...." while setting the table.  It was a funny, silly thing, that turned into a competitive, sibling-rivalry thing,  three times a day.  If "bad parenting choice," means creating situations that make parenting harder, then this is an example of that.  While David grew up in competition, I am fundamentally non-competitive.  Sibling rivalry is a hard one for me.  

And it's hard on our sanguine-phlegmatic boy.  He just wants to play, climb things, sing, cook and eat.  He wants to use his body, to explore the world physically and to move slowly when he's found something interesting.  Our happiest moments are when he's working with the animals, playing full-on outside with his dad and brothers, or prepping some kind of exciting food moment.

 So...celebrating his life, his passion, gesture, grown-upness and brotherhood...we picked him a setting of hand-thrown blue pottery.  A plate, a bowl, and large mug.  Two sets of small, but nice silverware.  Eight tiny glasses that each held a single dollar, in the tradition of his great-grandmother, who always sent a check in the amount of our age.  Three cloth napkins.  And a selection of tiny condiment trays.  

His brothers wrapped it all in newsprint (we get ours at the local paper, at $7 for a huge roll of recycled, unused newspaper ends)  + wool snippets.  He was eager, he loved it, and he especially loved watching his brothers set his place like five-star waiters.   All three napkins were used as placement, napkin and mug decor.  The condiment trays were filled with olives, capers, parmesan and sea salt.  He never missed the toys, or the golf balls.  And we have a new tradition on our hands.  

I figure by the time they run off to seek their fortunes (a la'   the three little pigs), they'll each have a full set of eclectic, mismatched plates that speak to who they were each year.

In the classroom, they enjoyed a similar simplicity.  A candle, a verse, a beautiful watercolored card with words from each child.  They enjoyed tea while we passed pictures and told a couple of stories.   The children were invited to share stories about him, and we were struck with how extremely young and sweet eight is.  They aren't restricted by doing it right, "looking good" or even making sense.  Their stories were like haikus, or poetry of moments.  Observations they had made from a place of very little separation.  Their teacher, who's strong and wise and lovely, asked each family to forego treats so no child is left out, and to forego small gifts for the classmates, because "we're focusing on spiritual gifts this year."  

I'm hoping we can just focus on that every year.   

If I go by the reaction from the kids, it fits.  

Celebrating my active boy,  who loves condiments, belonging, family + his wee sacred community.  And the gifts of resonance.   

xx, Maya

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More Notes from a *mostly* media-free life :: Field Guides

Saturday morning at the pumpkin patch... Life is good.

Talk about being in the moment. A Saturday morning at the pumpkin patch with my wife and an energetic 7 year old was an awesome reminder of how easy it actually is to be happy. Pumpkins, petting zoo, face painting, holding hands... for an hour or so, all of life's worries faded away. Here's our Saturday morning in 90 seconds :) Wishing all of you a happy Fall!

Rhythm Replaces Strength

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I don't think I could ever "want to" put away the kayaks.  But as the smell of Fall starts to fill the air and nights get colder and colder and thus the water gets colder and colder, and pumpkins seem to be everywhere...it just happens...one day I just get up and put them away without really thinking about it.

Thank you mother earth for your rhythms.

(May I be that for my family. )

David

5 Goals for the upcoming season

Driving home tonight from a pre-season workout with my high school girls basketball team, I started thinking about some of my favorite phrases/sayings/quotes that I've heard coaches use to motivate their teams. I've always loved the challenge of finding the perfect quote to share with my team to fire them up before a practice or game. As these quotes bounced around in my mind, I started thinking about what I need to do to be the best possible coach for my team this year. What gets me fired up to give my all? I came up with a list of five things I must do to help my team have a great experience this season. 

1. People first. I want to connect with my players on a human level and try to understand them as people instead of just basketball players. I have to be open and honest with my players about who I am as a person and really get to know who they are as people. Ganon Baker, one of the top basketball trainers in the country, says "You have to reach them before you can teach them!" 

2. Little things. My own high school coach's mantra was "The little things are the big things." A player who reminds her teammate what type of defense we are playing during the game is doing a "little thing" to help the team. However, communication on a team is BIG thing. I feel like I will have done my job if my players understand how important the little things are to our success as a team.

3. Attitude is everything. "Great thoughts attract great results; mediocre thoughts attract mediocre results." I don't remember where I read that quote but it has shaped the way I think about the season. This year, my goal is to make sure my team knows that I am going to give them my all for two hours every time we practice and that I absolutely believe that we will learn and grow as a team every time we step on the court together. 

4. Next Play. "Next Play" is a phrase that Coach Mike Krzyzewski (hall of fame NCAA men's basketball coach) has used for 33 seasons at Duke University (one of the most successful teams in all of sports) to help his players stay in the moment. "Next play" is a phrase that I'd like to hear everyday with my team this year." Coach K explains it best:

"In basketball and in life, I have always maintained the philosophy of 'next play.' Essentially what it means is that what you have just done is not nearly as important as what you are doing right now. This philosophy emphasizes the fact that the most important play of the game or life moment on which you should always focus is the next one... To waste time lamenting a mistake or celebrating success is distracting and can leave you and your team unprepared for what you are about to face. It robs you of the ability to do your best at that moment and to give your full concentration."

5. Simplify. The great UCLA coach John Wooden told his players, "Don't let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do." I love the game of basketball so much and sometimes I get excited and try to do too much with my team. My goal this year is for my team to do a few things really well based on what my players CAN do (*sometimes coaches try to coach the team they wish they had versus the team they actually have*). Focusing on what we CAN do will set us up for success. 

There are many more things to add to this list but, in the spirit of #5, I'm stopping here for now. 

Much more to come! 

-Brian

PS. Even though I said I was stopping at 5, I think number 6 should be: Remember that these are all about much more than basketball.  

 Watching for the little things in practice